wanna go halves on a baby?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
