I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
