Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize