According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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