In the future we'll all be gay
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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