I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
