Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
