She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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