she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
