I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
