I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Acid is not a monday night drug
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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