am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
