i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
