He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
