dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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