just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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