this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
