How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
