According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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