I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
