dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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