why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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