i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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