He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
