I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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