You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
