Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
