Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
