it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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