My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
last night I used snow as a chaser
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
