Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
