You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
