Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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