i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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