Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
