Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
