umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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