I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
