you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
