I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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