Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
