and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
PANTIES FOUND
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