the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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