You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
