Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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