really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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