Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
