Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
