with your own penis?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
