i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
