i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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