Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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