I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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