Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
