it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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