Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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