I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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