"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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