take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize