mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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