I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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