you traded sex for a burrito?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
