ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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