Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
