oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
