I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
