my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
