I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
