Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
