How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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