I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
