Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
