I feel like abortions should bother me more
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
