I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize