ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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