Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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