It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
