wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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