***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
