ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
